Change of pace.
It can be easy to fall into complacency and forget that we were meant for more than just existing. Maybe it's time to do something uncomfortable and start living.
Let’s talk about change…
More specifically, those real "grown-up" kinda changes, like ending a relationship, going to therapy, quitting an addiction, or finding a new job.
Whether you are busy or bored, the chances are you forget about change. Kind of like the change under your driver's seat, we let the thought of doing something different get covered up by all kinds of junk. But if you're tired of the monotonous day-to-day living and looking for a way forward, then you, my friend, are on the cusp of something amazing.
If change scares you, I'd like you to ask yourself, what's your alternative?
If you stay in the same headspace, the same house, the same job, or the same relationship, chances are you will keep getting the EXACT same results. And that… is the literal definition of insanity. Sure, change can and will always happen to us, but it is the changes we make happen that truly impact our lives.
I made the most significant changes in my adult life in the months leading up to my divorce. Those choices actually started a positive chain reaction causing me to divorce my ex-wife.
See, she had a knack for verbal abuse, manipulation, and more affairs than I care to admit, and I hit a mental wall. I realized I had lost sight of the man I always wanted to become. I pretty much stopped doing the things I was passionate about because other people told me I wasn't good enough, or more importantly, I told myself I wasn't good enough. I let my husbandly duties, finances, and social status drive each of their nails into my situational coffin, and I spent years believing the wrong narrative. For eight years, to be exact, I tried to build castles out of the dry sand that was my marriage, and quite frankly, I was tired of being at the beach.
I believed the false stories that guided me down paths I should never have been on. At my breaking point, I felt weak, stupid, insufficient, and pathetic, but that actually gave me hope.
How you arrange the plot points of your life into a narrative can shape who you are—and is a fundamental part of being human. - Julie Beck
For me, living in a rock bottom situation full of depression and disappointment actually simplified the plot points I had in front of me. I could stay at the beach all sunburnt and sandy or wade out into the water and swim towards something greater: a life with purpose and a life worth living. Lucky for me, I chose to swim.
Swimming out into the great unknown can be extremely exhausting and disorienting. You're floating in a sea of blue, can't see the shoreline anymore, and you start questioning your decisions, but. That's where the magic happens. When you're faced with extreme 'do or die' opportunities, you truly find out who the hell you are. You get to be creative with your story. You have the opportunity to start building a narrative out of the things you see, and before you know it, you aren't just floating into nothing; you are moving towards SOMETHING.
Here's some advice that has helped me when I forget I have complete control over my life. It's called The Narrative Instinct.
The Narrative Instinct.
Human beings have been appropriately called “the storytelling animal” because of our instinct to construct and seek meaning in narrative. It’s likely that long before we developed the ability to write or to create objects, we were telling stories and thinking in stories. Nearly all social organizations, from religious institutions to corporations to nation-states, run on constructions of the narrative instinct. - Shane Parrish
When facing change, take a few minutes to pull yourself out of the driver's seat, summon your best Morgan Freeman impression and find out what the narrator has to say. Instead of being stuck in uncertainty, you can decide what kind of story you want this chapter to be. Is it a heroic tale, a comedy, a tragic love story, or cheesy drama? For me personally, I chose a heroic tale. Instead of cowering down to my self-doubt and abusers, I decided to stand tall and fight off my demons and my ex-wife.
When we narrate our story, we are allowed to skip over the question of 'what should I do,' and instead, we simply follow the story arc of what the main character would do in that role.
If you take anything away from the confusing metaphors and analogies you've just read, it's this: stop waiting for the perfect opportunity and make one.
For more information on the Narrative Instinct and other mental models visit https://fs.blog/mental-models